Tag: goals

How Your Future Shows Up

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So I’m laying out the cards, and I see a change coming.  A new job, new lover, a shift in living situation.  Something awesome and positive.  But then the client leans across the table and starts reciting how they expect their new lover, new job, new fill-in-the-blank to appear.

“Well, I know someone who knows someone like that, and we met at a party last year, so I think its him….” [ It’s not].

“So OK,  my boss is talking about retiring which will make a space for me to move up, so then Sheila will probably go to Accounts Payable and then.….” [Wrong again].

I get it.  We all want a super-clear path to our future, one with no pholes, stoplights or tacky tourist traps.

Like this.
Like this.

I’m happy to oblige as best I can, but most of the times when I read, I see the destination with a fuzzy glow around it.  This is a reminder that the details of how something will manifest have yet to be fully determined.

And the more we cling to our own version of the details, the more we narrow the path to getting there and block out some pretty kickass options.

Years ago, my friend and I were first learning about Creative Visualization.  One of the key tenets is to get very detailed about what you want.   She wanted a new boyfriend, so she wrote down everything – and I mean everything – that she desired.  Four pages worth.  Back and front.

It was a little like this.
It was a little like this.

I’m all for having a clear vision – but too many details or expectations can drag it down.

To me, drilling down to the core of what you want simplifies that process.  And to get to that essence, think about how you want to feel with that thing/goal/person in your life.

Feelings are like lighter fluid to a dream.

Get cookin' on your dream -- and make it well-done.
Get cookin’ on your dream — and make it well-done.

Experiencing the emotion of a goal provides a potent, simple beacon that helps the Universe bring it your way. Conversely, trying to maintain a million details in your head only mucks up the works.  It’s like herding cats.

My girlfriend could have made her man-hunting job way easier by thinking about how she wanted to feel in that new relationship: safe, loved, appreciated for her wicked sense of humor.  Maybe the brown hair, build like Jean Claude Van Damme and penchant for collecting African art wouldn’t be so important if she got the emotional outcome that she wanted.

My philosophy is, you don’t have to do all the heavy lifting alone; keep the simple essence in mind, gently hold onto the feeling and let the Universe meet you halfway.  Let it surprise you.

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This requires letting go of the handlebars.   Remember how scary that felt?  But when you did, and the bike flew along on its own, it was a total rush.  And you got where you were going having had a whole lot more fun.

Got questions of your own?  Hit me up at the website.

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A Secret About “The Secret”

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I’ve recently been revisiting that book, The Secret.  It’s not quite as trendy as it was about 5 years back, but its discussion of the Law of Attraction is as relevant as ever.

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The book’s thesis – that thoughts are magnetic –feels right to me, and is being backed up by science.  Focusing your mental and emotional energy on a particular goal helps align it with the creation energy all around us.

Buutttt….how do you focus all that awesome energy when you don’t really know what you want?  Or your “wish list” changes from week to week?  Let me tell ya, as a kid, writing my list out for Santa was a bitch.

"Wait, I also want a Barbie...and, oh, wait, maybe not that, but...."
“Wait, I also want a Barbie…and, oh, wait, maybe not that, but….”

Needless to say, when your goals change as much as Madonna’s face, the Law of Attraction is just busy trying to keep track.

Yeah, I went there.
Yeah, I went there.

So here’s an awesome exercise I learned from Miss Oprah:

1)  Pick an area of your life you’d like to change:  your body, your lovelife, your work,  Whatever.

2) Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle.  On the one side write “What I Never Want Again.”  On the other, “What I Do Want.”

3) Now think about your goal.  Let’s say it’s a better love life.  Think about your last (or current) partner.  What about that relationship really, really bugs/bugged you? Go for the first things that come to mind:  the fact that he/she drank more than Snooki?  The way they clammed up whenever you really needed to share your feelings?  The back that had more hair  on it than a Yeti?

"I never want a girlfriend who maintains a blood-alcohol level of 3.0."
“I never want a girlfriend who maintains a blood-alcohol level of 3.0.”

Don’t drill down into every pesky little annoyance; stick to broad strokes to begin with.  Write them down on the one side of your list.

4) OK, so the things that you NEVER want to experience again?  The exact opposite is what you DO want.  Example: “I never want someone who drinks ‘til they puke” leads to “I want a partner who’s sober or only drinks a little.” Example: “I never want someone who ignores me when I need a hug” becomes “I want someone who is affectionate and attentive.”

This is a really fascinating exercise.  I find that it really helps you zero in on the core essence of what you want.  Its kinda like a dose of Ritalin for a jumpy brain.

And it will help the Law of Attraction know where to find you.