Archive for 'grief'

What to Do When You’re Broken

In the last few weeks, several  friends and clients have been hit hard.  The sudden loss of a sister who was far too young.  Major surgery which a father did not survive.  Job loss and financial panic.  January has well and truly sucked, let’s just say it.

I ran into one of these people at the store the other day, and the pain emanating from her was palpable.  She admitted she was just staggering through her days, frustrated at not being able to function – but not ready to function, either.  She was broken.

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When you’ve gone through something painful, there’s a huge shock to your body, mind and spirit.   Part of you is thinking there are things you need to do, that you need to get back up and back into the game.  But there’s another part that just can’t think straight and wants nothing more than to stay in bed with a stack of tabloids and a bag of M&Ms.

The thing is, be gentle with yourself.  Give yourself that time.  And when you don’t know what to do or where to start, keep it small.  Tiny, even.

One client was frustrated that she was having no luck in her job search.  She was overwhelmed and fearful that she would never find work.  Things looked bleak and she was going further down that rabbit hole of negativity.  She couldn’t stop crying.

I told her to find just three things every day that made her feel happy, secure and blessed.  Those things could be as small as the fact that she was breathing, or that she had a warm bed to sleep in or that the sun was shining.  By focusing on even tiny things, she would begin to get her power back.  And those miniscule things eventually gain traction, and will help pull her out of the pit.

When you’re feeling punched in the gut, stick to the physical basics.  Eat.  Sleep.  Brush your teeth.  Taking care of your body grounds all that crazy energy that seems to be swirling around you.  It gives you a foundation to build back on.  So even if you do nothing else that day, having a piece of fruit, a short walk, a nap or a little massage is doing something valuable.

Archangel Raphael is the big daddy of healing, so ask him to work on you as you sleep.  He can buff out any rough spots in your energetic body, fill in any of the holes and restore some peace of mind, as well as physical balance.   I’m also all for a short course of therapy and/or anti-depressants, if necessary.

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We’ve all been broken at some point, and will be again.  Know that these are tests being brought to you.  And know that they wouldn’t be brought to you if the Powers That Be didn’t know that you could pass them.  Be gentle.  Keep it small.  Take your time.  But don’t give up.

Reincarnation 101

Recently, I read a woman who lost her son a few years ago.    I can’t even imagine that kind of pain.  So I was not at all surprised when she asked if there was a chance that he might reincarnate while she was still alive, and they might connect again.  Let’s discuss.

Reincarnation fascinates me.  And it makes total sense to my hyper-logical brain.  I just can’t believe that everything that makes a person who they are just goes away when they die.  The force of personality is not organic, like a piece of old bread.  It’s much more than that.

We are not THIS....

We are not THIS….

Physics tells us that energy cannot die, it can only turn into something (or someone) else.  So I believe that when we pass, our spirit-energy goes to the Summerland to take stock and reassess.  It’s like the Mother of all Debriefings.

Let me break it down: you spend some time there, looking over what you learned in your time on Earth.  You hang with your ancestors.  You get really good at badminton or origami (even if you couldn’t fold a newspaper to save your life, when you HAD a life). Then you decide to return to Planet Earth, bringing back some memory of what you learned the last go-round.

"...just think: I couldn't even walk and chew gum in my last life..."

“…just think: I couldn’t even walk and chew gum in my last life…”

You hope to move the needle on your soul’s evolution, by being smarter, wiser and more loving in this new life. It’s your chance to move up a grade, as it were.  Eventually, you “graduate” and can decide to permanently hang on the sweet side, although many evolved souls are opting to return to help the rest of our sorry asses out.

That, to me, is how I understand reincarnation.

I’ve read that we used to come back every 200 years or so.  But as our civilization has “sped up,” the process is much more frequent.  So does that mean someone you love will return in your lifetime?  Sometimes.  But that doesn’t mean that they will necessarily show up in your neighborhood.  They could be running a pedi-cab in Sri Lanka.

"Nana?  Is that you?"

“Nana? Is that you?”

The other thing is, that when we reincarnate, we do bring some of the knowledge of our past lives with us.  But we have a hard time remembering it – and the people that were there with us (another reason for not waiting around for them).  I’m going to reference one of my favorite movies, Made In Heaven  with Timothy Hutton and Kelly McGillis.  It’s a great romantic film, but the way it depicts Heaven and returning to Earth is spot on.  Check it out.

Anyway, we’re back to take on new experiences; to be burdened with the entire memory of our past lives would make our heads explode (not to mention, make it really hard to decide what to put on in the morning). So while there’s a certain spiritual “overlay” of what we’ve been through, as with all our lives, we have free will to use it moving forward.  Or to completely forget it and go off the rails.

Here’s an example.  Early in my spiritual development, I met a guy I was cah-razy for. Naturally, after I got home from our date at the bar, I used one of my new skills and did his numerology chart.  Now, according to numerology, each of us has up to 11 Karmic Lessons to learn.  In some lifetimes, we may only have one or two; in others, a boatload of them.

Anyway, I was stunned to see that  Mr. Yummy had NO Karmic Lessons.  Zero, zip, nada.  This was a curious thing, because he turned out to be the biggest tool on the planet.

Thought he was this guy.  Not even close.

Thought he was this guy. Not even close.

You would think someone with no Karmic Lessons in their chart would be really spiritual like Ghandi or Jesus.  But you would be wrong. I was completely stumped, until I learned that, just because you come into this life with a clean slate doesn’t mean you exit with one.

There’s that pesky “free will” thing again. My hunk may have reincarnated after years of deep study in various medieval monasteries.  But in this life, he clearly had abandoned any vows of celibacy and sobriety.  And reading.   If he was someone’s long lost sweet grandma that they hoped to see again, they were gonna be waaaaay disappointed.

One thing to keep in mind is, the experience of losing someone is part of our growth as humans.  Grief is a powerful teacher. The understanding that we can and will connect with them in the spiritual realm is another lesson.  To hang on to the hope that you’ll see someone again in the flesh keeps you from moving forward.    Don’t put your life on hold for them.

Guess Who’s Coming to the Funeral?

Tom Sawyer wasn’t the only one: dead people like to attend their own funerals. Come on, wouldn’t you?  They tend to stand near the end of their coffin, and watch as people pass to pay their respects.   They love looking at all the flowers and expressions of sympathy (so make sure you send really nice ones.  Just sayin’).

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Tom Sawyer enters his own funeral….and everyone nearly drops dead for real.

While the deceased enjoy seeing all the old friends and acquaintances, its frustrating for them to see all the sadness, because they know that, “Hey, I’m STILL HERE…”

Grief is a hugely powerful emotion.  It can work like a giant anchor around the spirit of a deceased loved one, keeping them (and you) from moving on.  They still care deeply about us, so intense levels of sadness make it hard to leave.  Kinda like a mom not wanting to leave their crying child (although, there are some crying kids you probably can’t get away from fast enough).

Like these....

Like these….

After our mother passed, my sister was desperate to “hear” from her.  She wanted a sign,to dream of her – ANYTHING.  But that powerful grief actually blocked Mom from coming through.  It was like a curtain of white noise that nothing could pierce.  Once some time had passed, and the need wasn’t as great, she did indeed have wonderful experiences of Mom’s presence.

Allowing our loved ones to transition is the natural order of things.  It’s not easy, but if we keep in mind that they’ve just moved on to another level of existence, one that allows them to stil be with us (albeit in a different form), we’re more likely to experience their presence, either through a medium, dreams, or little “signs.”  More importantly, letting them go helps them in their new life.  And it allows you to continue on your own path, on this side of the veil.

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I know that some cultures “celebrate” death. That’s not exactly my style, but I do try to encourage people to put their grief in perspective, to the extent that they can.  You will see them (for real) one day.  Trust me on this one…