Archive for 'loss'

What to Do When You’re Broken

In the last few weeks, several  friends and clients have been hit hard.  The sudden loss of a sister who was far too young.  Major surgery which a father did not survive.  Job loss and financial panic.  January has well and truly sucked, let’s just say it.

I ran into one of these people at the store the other day, and the pain emanating from her was palpable.  She admitted she was just staggering through her days, frustrated at not being able to function – but not ready to function, either.  She was broken.

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When you’ve gone through something painful, there’s a huge shock to your body, mind and spirit.   Part of you is thinking there are things you need to do, that you need to get back up and back into the game.  But there’s another part that just can’t think straight and wants nothing more than to stay in bed with a stack of tabloids and a bag of M&Ms.

The thing is, be gentle with yourself.  Give yourself that time.  And when you don’t know what to do or where to start, keep it small.  Tiny, even.

One client was frustrated that she was having no luck in her job search.  She was overwhelmed and fearful that she would never find work.  Things looked bleak and she was going further down that rabbit hole of negativity.  She couldn’t stop crying.

I told her to find just three things every day that made her feel happy, secure and blessed.  Those things could be as small as the fact that she was breathing, or that she had a warm bed to sleep in or that the sun was shining.  By focusing on even tiny things, she would begin to get her power back.  And those miniscule things eventually gain traction, and will help pull her out of the pit.

When you’re feeling punched in the gut, stick to the physical basics.  Eat.  Sleep.  Brush your teeth.  Taking care of your body grounds all that crazy energy that seems to be swirling around you.  It gives you a foundation to build back on.  So even if you do nothing else that day, having a piece of fruit, a short walk, a nap or a little massage is doing something valuable.

Archangel Raphael is the big daddy of healing, so ask him to work on you as you sleep.  He can buff out any rough spots in your energetic body, fill in any of the holes and restore some peace of mind, as well as physical balance.   I’m also all for a short course of therapy and/or anti-depressants, if necessary.

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We’ve all been broken at some point, and will be again.  Know that these are tests being brought to you.  And know that they wouldn’t be brought to you if the Powers That Be didn’t know that you could pass them.  Be gentle.  Keep it small.  Take your time.  But don’t give up.

Why Bad Stuff Happens-An Opinion

Let me just start this blog by saying that I need a good foot massage. And a drink. Or three. The last few days have been spent with either friends or clients, all of whom have had some bout with serious illness.  Lyme disease, cancer – the biggies.  I’m wiped.

Their struggles have been epic, and it was painful to hear just how difficult their lives have become.  In one case, a dear family member didn’t survive her cancer.  In another, my friend’s work life has been completely derailed by her illness.  It has been unbelievably rough.

Needless to say, each of these clients/friends had one question in common, namely, “Why?”

I do not pretend to have the answer to that one.  That’s waay above my paygrade. But what I DO know is that people who have a major issue in their life —  an accident, death of a child, special-needs kid, serious illness – have taken on a brave karmic challenge.

The way I understand it, before we incarnate, we decide that we need some “extra credit” in the Karmic School of Life.  By willing to live out an especially hard experience here on Earth, we make up for lost opportunities in past lives – or for having been a soulless putz.  It’s the mother of all summer school courses.

Clearly, making that decision to live through such a hard experience takes major cojones.  But it doesn’t mean that it makes it any easier once you get to this side and actually undertake the journey.

The point is, such an extreme experience is bound to lead to some form of enlightenment and understanding.  Its not just for you, either – all those around you that are affected by it will also have a chance to up their game.

My friend with the Lyme disease shared a lot of information about what she was going through, information that I knew would be helpful for another person in my life who was dealing with the illness.  In two hours over sandwiches, she had turned her problem into something helpful for another.

The client who had lost her sister to breast cancer realized that the experience of going through those devastating few years had brought positive change to her otherwise dysfunctional family.

Someone like Stephen Hawking has shown that, while his body isn’t under his control, his mind soars free, free to make astounding discoveries in science.

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Still smarter than you.

There are others: the mother who lost her child to a drunk driver and started “MADD” or John Walsh, who suffered the loss of his son Adam, yet turned that horror into a crusade to find other criminals through America’s Most Wanted.  Talk to the parents of a special-needs child, who will admit that the practical realities are difficult – but how that child has been a gift in what they teach them about love and endurance.

I’m not trying to minimize the difficulty of surviving or living with a tragedy or tough situation – but when you consider the sheer bravery of the soul willing to take that on, well, thank yourself for being such a badass. And offering us all a chance to grow in profound ways.

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Guess Who’s Coming to the Funeral?

Tom Sawyer wasn’t the only one: dead people like to attend their own funerals. Come on, wouldn’t you?  They tend to stand near the end of their coffin, and watch as people pass to pay their respects.   They love looking at all the flowers and expressions of sympathy (so make sure you send really nice ones.  Just sayin’).

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Tom Sawyer enters his own funeral….and everyone nearly drops dead for real.

While the deceased enjoy seeing all the old friends and acquaintances, its frustrating for them to see all the sadness, because they know that, “Hey, I’m STILL HERE…”

Grief is a hugely powerful emotion.  It can work like a giant anchor around the spirit of a deceased loved one, keeping them (and you) from moving on.  They still care deeply about us, so intense levels of sadness make it hard to leave.  Kinda like a mom not wanting to leave their crying child (although, there are some crying kids you probably can’t get away from fast enough).

Like these....

Like these….

After our mother passed, my sister was desperate to “hear” from her.  She wanted a sign,to dream of her – ANYTHING.  But that powerful grief actually blocked Mom from coming through.  It was like a curtain of white noise that nothing could pierce.  Once some time had passed, and the need wasn’t as great, she did indeed have wonderful experiences of Mom’s presence.

Allowing our loved ones to transition is the natural order of things.  It’s not easy, but if we keep in mind that they’ve just moved on to another level of existence, one that allows them to stil be with us (albeit in a different form), we’re more likely to experience their presence, either through a medium, dreams, or little “signs.”  More importantly, letting them go helps them in their new life.  And it allows you to continue on your own path, on this side of the veil.

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I know that some cultures “celebrate” death. That’s not exactly my style, but I do try to encourage people to put their grief in perspective, to the extent that they can.  You will see them (for real) one day.  Trust me on this one…