I love the Real Housewives of New Jersey. It’s like watching 7th grade all over again, only with better clothes, bigger earrings and more cussing. For the life of me, I can’t figure out what they’re all worked up over every week, but I guess that’s the job of reality TV.
We fans know that this season, Teresa Guidice (“Joo-dice”? “joo-DEETCH-chay”? She keeps changing the pronunciation – or as she might say, “pronunciamation”) has gone completely off the rails. The storyline that began with her desire to reconnect with her younger brother and his wife has turned into a pinata of nasty that has spilled all over the viewers: strippers, jealousy, set-ups, lowlife husbands (Juicy Joe — ugh), smartass kids, cookbook insults. It’s like being at the kids table and watching your drunk uncle try and grope your Mom.
So the reunion show for this past season aired its second part on Sunday (there’s still one more installment. Sweet Jesus). The looks on the other castmembers’ faces as Teresa rambled on, indicated that they think she’s about two stops away from CrazyTown. It’s clear that while she’s enjoying the spotlight, her real, off-camera life is in serious trouble.
Out of curiosity, I pulled a few Tarot cards to see what might be coming up for our most deranged Housewife. The first one was this:
This card means turning your back on your current life and pursuing your heart’s desire. Now she may talk a good game about how family is tops with her — but considering the bullshit she’s putting them through, it seems that “fame” is really what she wants, at least for now.
The next one up? This one.
Yeah, it looks pretty nasty. I call this the “humiliation card” — mainly for the snarky look on the guy’s face. The others have given up, walked away. While Mr. Snark thinks he’s won the argument, not so fast –what goes around, comes around. I think something big is gonna smack Tre in the face. Hard. But that smack will provide a much-needed wakeup call.
Finally, this one:
Lovely. The beginning of new love, rebirth, a refreshed spirit, blessings. I think Tre will have one of these “come to Jesus” moments that make her see the folly of what she’s been chasing. Getting to that point may be a little harsh, but sometimes, harsh is necessary. In the end, she’ll get back to what’s important in her life: her girls, her parents, her cooking. Somehow, I think Juicy Joe won’t be a part of it — he’s got some seriously negative vibes coming off of him. I wanted to take a shower after his segment. And I’d just taken one.
Teresa may have fallen in love with fame, but it cuts both ways: the spotlight shines a light into the darkest parts of a life, bringing them out of the shadows (where you kinda wish they’d stayed). But perhaps it will be a good thing, forcing her to get really clear about what’s worth having at the end of the day. The trick is, she has to make the choice to make things better in her life (as do we all).
Despite how flat-out obnoxious and manipulating Teresa has been this season, I’m rooting for this Jersey Girl to get herself together. Stay tuned to the tabloids to see if I got it right.
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