Her email was all in caps: HELP! I’M TRYING TO CHANGE, BUT DON’T SEE ANYTHING HAPPENING!!!! (Yeah, that made my head hurt, too.)
This client is not alone. Lately, I’ve had a run on folks coming by who are trying their damndest to make a shift – but the results don’t seem to be following. It’s super-frustrating.
Most of us think “change” is like a vending machine: we put our intention in, so we should get an instant payoff. Wouldn’t that be great? But the reality is, we feel like our intention is a stuck bag of potato chips. Hate when that happens.
What I frequently see is that the payoff is closer than we realize. We just have to keep on truckin’. That’s what the Universe asks us to do: keep walking. Have some faith. Because with each step we take, the Powers That Be take one towards us.
I’ve seen this happen time and again: we think that we have to do it all, but the truth is, we have partners. And when we show the tiniest bit of willingness to move ahead on our path, we get an assist. Our spirit guides, the angels, loved ones on the Other Side….these are just a few of the entities available to us to help us fulfill our mission here [the rule is, though, you have to ask them for help. Even if you’re not sure what kind of “help” you need, just send out a generic 911 call. Then watch for signs that you’ve been heard.]
I also think our idea of “results” needs to shift. Our society encourages the notion of “overnight success,” “instant this” and “instant that.” But successful change is a process. It’s not one moment, but a bunch of them. If Jeannie could blink and make it happen all at once, that would be cheating (remember how many problems her “help” caused for Major Nelson? Am I dating myself?)
The Moon card in the Tarot is all about this. You can’t see a foot in front of you in the dark. It’s all kinds of scary (hence, the yapping dogs). But in order to get out of that spooky forest you need to keep pushing through. If you just sit down and curl up in a ball, that’s how you’ll stay.
Be brave. Even when you can’t see the results yet, keep working it. Keep the finishing line in mind. All of a sudden, you’ll come around the corner – and there it will be.
If I can help you push past some obstacles and stay on the path, get in touch. In the meantime, sing us out, Bono.
One of my long-time clients has a problem with patience. That message comes up frequently in her readings – to the point that we both laugh about it. She’s a woman in a hurry and has lots of things she wants to make better in her life.
Her problem is, when they don’t occur on her timetable, she gets frustrated. Raise your hand if you know how she feels. I’ll wait…..
We want things, and as Veruca Salt sang in Willy Wonka, “I want it NOW.” It doesn’t make it any easier that we live in an age of ATMs, drive-thru windows, microwaves and instant downloads. Our ability to hang in for the long haul has atrophied.
But what we have to keep in mind is that the Universe has its own timetable. And I believe there’s a reason for that. By aligning ourselves more with the process than the result, we gain far more than the “thing” itself.
This is not to say that we just sit and wait and do nothing. We continue to put some effort towads our goals. We keep them in mind. But we’re not super-attached to the “when.” It’s a partnership with powers greater than ours.
The 7 of Pentacles in the Tarot shows a farmer looking at the results of his patience. These things have grown in accordance with nature’s clock – not his. In that time, he’s tended them, watered and weeded – but let Nature do its thing.
When something hasn’t manifested in your life just yet, the Universe may be telling you that you’re not quite ready for it. You’re still in the process. And there’s a ton of value in that.
Before she was twerking and sticking her tongue out at every photo op, Miley Cyrus did a song that is applicable to what I’m talking about. When you’re struggling with patience, take a look around at what “the climb” is teaching you. That will make reaching the peak that much richer.
I had a client here the other day who broke down sobbing. She wanted to change things in her life. Not unusual. That’s why most people come for a reading.
But the reason she was crying was that she was overwhelmed. Because she wanted to change EVERYTHING. All at once.
At a certain point in our lives, we take a look around and realize that some things aren’t quite what we hoped for. The career we once craved has become boring. The relationship that once made our hearts tingle has become “meh.” Daily life is just about getting through our “to do” list. That quiet dissatisfaction is a sign the Universe wants you to shake things up a little bit.
The thing about change is, we both want it and fear it. There’s something comforting about the familiar and the boring. We know how to “do” it. With our eyes closed. The idea of changing jobs, ending a relationship, moving to a different city, whatever, freaks us out. As much as we know intellectually that our life could be richer and better, our gut clenches up at the thought of shaking up the status quo.
My client was crying because those red lights were going off in her head. She wanted to do too much at once and every stay-put instinct in her was making her wig out. I could see that there were better things lining up for her in the next few months – but she had to take advantage of that energy and move towards them.
We mapped out a plan to prioritize her “change” list. Instead of tackling everything, I looked at the one thing that would have the greatest impact overall.
By getting a better job 1) her financial situation would improve, allowing her to 2) move to a nicer apartment. And 3) because she wouldn’t be stressing over her bills and having to work a second job, she’d have more bandwidth available for a new relationship. See what I did there?
The next thing I had to do was to inspire her to make the moves necessary to make all that good stuff happen. The trick to faking out the Fear of Change response is: itty bitty, teeny weeny steps. So small that your freak-out reflex doesn’t even know its happening.
Take a look at the thing you need or want to change. Break it down into M&M sized pieces. Don’t tackle more than one of them a day. You want to go so slow that the fear never wakes up. No matter how tempted or motivated you are to do more, don’t. I can’t stress this enough: doing more is like poking the bear.
We are meant to do more and be more in this life we’ve been given. We chose to be here in human form. The dissatisfaction you feel is a sign its time to evolve to the next step of your journey. I’m a big believer that, if you make even the smallest effort, the Universe will meet you halfway. For each small step, the Universe makes one towards your goal, too. It’s your co-creator in change. You’ll be there before you know it. Get going.
I took ballet class for many years. It was – and still is – a passion of mine. Although now, I just watch from my seat at the Met.
There’s something that happens in class when you’re learning a combination: we call it “marking.” You’ll see dancers at the back of the studio, using their hands to “do” the steps, or walking through it with minimal effort before its their turn to perform it.
Marking is a way to get the piece in your head before you hit the center and do it “full out.” Dancers will hold back a little ahead of the performance, putting all their technique, energy and artistry into the big moment.
Here’s my favorite ballerina, Diana Vishneva, “marking” some variations. Isn’t she awesome? I have a girl-crush.Anyway, some choreographers aren’t a fan of “marking” in rehearsal. George Balanchine would famously tell his ballerinas, “What are you saving it for, honey?”
That’s a good question for all of us.
One of my friends is planning on moving to a new apartment. After years of living in a tiny studio, she wants to upgrade to a larger place, which will mean needing more furniture. Her mother is telling her not to spend the money because she might be moving again someday. Someday. Someday.
In the meantime, in the here and now, my friend is being encouraged to stay in a cramped, bare-bones place that makes her sad. Because ….someday.
You could say my friend is “marking” her life. She’s not going full out, saving her dreams for some future day.
All of us have gotten this message at some point. We hold back. We don’t fully embrace the things that might make us happy, mainly for reasons that are fear-based.
Take a look at this Tarot card:
The guy is happily moving off a cliff, into the unknown. The little dog nipping at his heels represents those things that get in our heads: “Watch out!” “Don’t do it!” “It will never work!” “Don’t take any risks!”
But our guy is trusting that whatever happens in the next few steps, he’ll be supported by the Universe. He may not know what’s coming – he may be nervous and wanting to stay in his comfort zone – but he’s choosing to go full out with his life.
So whether it comes to choosing a better relationship for yourself, or just stating what you really want for lunch, ask yourself:
“What are you saving it for, honey?”
If I can help you sort out what’s holding you back, get in touch.
You’re not the only one who digs having a new phone or iPad. Spirits looovvvve anything electronic. I’m not sure why this is, except that gadgets of the electric kind make it easier for spirit to let us know they’re around.
Throughout the ages, spirit has used human “stuff” to give us a sense of their presence; there’s a house in Greenwich Village that Thomas Jefferson once lived in. The residents say his ghost loves to flush the toilets. But there’s something about electrical current that meshes even more nicely with the vibration of the spirit plane.
Professional ghosthunters have all kinds of high-tech doohickeys to measure the presence of spirit, but I had a chance to interact with the Other Side simply using my iPhone.
It’s called “EVP” – “electronic voice phenomenon.” Ghosthunters have been known to leave recording devices running in an area that’s purported to be haunted. Upon playback, they’ll hear voices, noises and other things that weren’t witnessed at the time. The digital sensitivity of the machine picks up on other dimensions.
I was with a friend recently who suspected that her late father was hanging around her house. We started our session by first invoking the white light of protection in the space. This is critical whenever you work with the spirit dimension, because, let’s face it: we don’t know everything and you never know who might decide to use the open channel. So invoking the white light is just good practice, like putting on your seat belt.
We lit a candle (which helps spirit focus in on our presence) and invited her father to join us in our sacred space. Then I turned on my phone’s Voice Memo function.
I asked several questions, leaving a space for him to “answer.”
After a few minutes, we closed the sacred space, blew out the candle – then played back the recording.
Amazingly, we heard “answers” to our questions. They came in short one or two word bursts (yeah, don’t expect a full-on conversation or the Gettysburg Address; its not so easy for spirit to mesh their energy with ours to the degree that we can talk like we do with our friends). Plus, we heard a knocking sound that we hadn’t heard during the session.
I had a similar experience when I was studying at the Arthur Findlay College in the UK. We set up a tape recorder in one of the rooms most used for spirit work, asked questions — then played back the answers, which featured two distinctly different male voices and one female voice. Wowza.
Needless to say, EVP can be pretty cool. And its nice to know that your phone can be used to “make a call” as it were to loved ones on the Other Side.
Let me know your own results with EVP by leaving it in the Comments. And if you have questions, hit me up at the website.
I read a client the other night who was beyond frustrated at her dating situation. Just when she thought she’d met a great guy, he shut down on her about 2 weeks in. It was all going along so well, and then – pffft.
After her third smackdown, she asked, “Why does this keep happening to me?”
It’s mystifying and infuriating when something crappy keeps turning up again and again in your life. It’s like a sick joke. Here’s my take on it:
There’s a lesson you’re not getting.
It’s easy to lay the blame on the lousy partner, awful boss or your lifelong streak of “bad luck” — but that’s only half of the equation. When you keep winding up with the same results (or lack thereof), the Universe is putting a big, fat mirror up to your face and asking, “Yo, sweetie — why so dense?”
Every blotch on our life is telling us something. In the case of my Disappointed Dater, I got a “ping” from Spirit that she needed to find the common thread in her last four relationships (going back to her ex). At first, she didn’t see anything, but we pressed on. Turns out that every one of her guys was severely, emotionally limited. They could only go ‘so far’ before they armored up. They were great on the first few dates, but they burned hot and fast – and out. The “a-ha!” came when she realized that she and her ex only got together because he was unavailable a lot – and a part-time lover was all she could handle at the time.
So that’s what she continued to get.
The reading continued with us drilling down into how she was going to open herself up to a more complete relationship. Until she did that, she’d only attract guys who were, emotionally, about an inch deep. But if she was brave enough to look at her own role in this creation, she’d have the insights that would help her make different choices.
You can apply this same reasoning to literally everything that’s not quite right in your own life: a health situation (check out Louise Hay’’s wonderful books on the emotional connections to illness), your finances, your family. How are you setting booby-traps for yourself? What’s your role? When the same situation keeps presenting itself, the Universe is throwing a pop quiz your way. And it will keep coming until you turn the paper over and take the damn test.
The Judgement card in the Tarot is all about this. The angel is blowing the horn of awakening, and the people are rising from the dead. They have literally been reborn after enduring a tough lesson. Things are different, because they took a long, hard look in the mirror.
This may seem a little daunting or depressing, when we’re so accustomed to pointing the finger at outside circumstances. But really, that takes your power away, leaving those same “outside circumstances” in charge. Maybe Mr. Emotionally Frigid will get himself together or maybe he won’t. Maybe your boss will stop being such a tool or maybe he won’t. Maybe your finances will get better or maybe they won’t. You can keep waiting for the “other” to come around, or you can look at your part in the “why” (even if it’s the tiniest bit) and break the logjam.
The biggest part of the word “Blame” is “lame.” Stop focusing your frustration or anger outward and use that energy to see what you need to learn. It’s scary, but its also liberating. And you’ll finally pass the pop quiz.
I’d love to hear your comments about your own life. And remember to drop by my site, whenever.
I admit it: I have a serious love/hate relationship with The Law of Attraction. I get the physics behind it, that if we properly align our energies with the Universe, we can attract whatever we want into our life with a lot less sweat. That makes sense to me. That’s the “love” part.
Buuuuttt……then why hasn’t my Porsche shown up in the driveway? Am I a complete loser with the Law? Are my energies not operating at full capacity? That’s the “hate” part.
Like most of us, I’m still working on going fully operational with manifesting, but here are two things that have helped me so far.
1) START SMALL. REALLY SMALL. REALLY, REALLY SMALL.
The book, The Secret, suggests first trying to “manifest” a cup of coffee. See if someone offers you one, shows up with an extra mug, whatever.
You could also attract a great parking spot. Or finding a quarter. The point is, not to overwhelm yourself. It’s like learning to walk: you didn’t go from crawling to running the New York Marathon in one fell swoop. Baby steps, people.
2) LEAVE THE “HOW’S” TO THE UNIVERSE
This is by far the biggest obstacle to manifesting. We disperse our energies in trying to direct how things are gonna show up, rather than keeping an eye on the prize itself.
Look at it this way: say you’ve waited months to get a table at a five-star restaurant. You look at the menu and choose your meal, something sinfully delectable. The waiter takes your order and heads off into the kitchen. Would you get up from your chair, follow him, then proceed to tell the chef how to make your dinner? Granted, I was once a waittress and had a couple of obnoxious customers who came close to that – but seriously. Leave the chef alone to work his magic.
If you want to direct that control-freak energy somewhere, focus it on how you’ll feel when this goal arrives. Picture yourself as already having it. Bask in it. But dial back the need to shape the “when” and “how.” That just slows your power down.
By the way, finding your focus is something I wrote about here.
I read somewhere that just sixteen seconds of really soaking in the feeling of what you want puts as much juice towards making something happen, as doing 100 hours of actual labor towards that same goal. Mind. Blown.
So don’t beat yourself up if your manifesting powers aren’t working at full bore. Start small, take baby steps, and leave the details to that awesome Chef in the Sky. Because you might get a free dessert you weren’t expecting.
So I’m laying out the cards, and I see a change coming. A new job, new lover, a shift in living situation. Something awesome and positive. But then the client leans across the table and starts reciting how they expect their new lover, new job, new fill-in-the-blank to appear.
“Well, I know someone who knows someone like that, and we met at a party last year, so I think its him….” [ It’s not].
“So OK, my boss is talking about retiring which will make a space for me to move up, so then Sheila will probably go to Accounts Payable and then.….” [Wrong again].
I get it. We all want a super-clear path to our future, one with no pholes, stoplights or tacky tourist traps.
I’m happy to oblige as best I can, but most of the times when I read, I see the destination with a fuzzy glow around it. This is a reminder that the details of how something will manifest have yet to be fully determined.
And the more we cling to our own version of the details, the more we narrow the path to getting there and block out some pretty kickass options.
Years ago, my friend and I were first learning about Creative Visualization. One of the key tenets is to get very detailed about what you want. She wanted a new boyfriend, so she wrote down everything – and I mean everything – that she desired. Four pages worth. Back and front.
I’m all for having a clear vision – but too many details or expectations can drag it down.
To me, drilling down to the core of what you want simplifies that process. And to get to that essence, think about how you want to feel with that thing/goal/person in your life.
Feelings are like lighter fluid to a dream.
Experiencing the emotion of a goal provides a potent, simple beacon that helps the Universe bring it your way. Conversely, trying to maintain a million details in your head only mucks up the works. It’s like herding cats.
My girlfriend could have made her man-hunting job way easier by thinking about how she wanted to feel in that new relationship: safe, loved, appreciated for her wicked sense of humor. Maybe the brown hair, build like Jean Claude Van Damme and penchant for collecting African art wouldn’t be so important if she got the emotional outcome that she wanted.
My philosophy is, you don’t have to do all the heavy lifting alone; keep the simple essence in mind, gently hold onto the feeling and let the Universe meet you halfway. Let it surprise you.
This requires letting go of the handlebars. Remember how scary that felt? But when you did, and the bike flew along on its own, it was a total rush. And you got where you were going having had a whole lot more fun.
Got questions of your own? Hit me up at the website.
The way I see it, you need these on speed-dial: a plumber, mechanic, lawyer, and in my house, a chicken place that delivers.
I would add to that, a good psychic.
I’m not talking about hitting up Madame Lasagna at the boardwalk. I’m talking about those of us who are truly, sharply tuned in to the intuitive side. That kind of information gives you a new (and sometimes better) way to deal with modern challenges.
Ever since the first human wondered if the person in the next cave over liked them or not, humans have sought ways to see what couldn’t be determined by other means. Psychic ability lets us pull back from what’s in front of us, and sense other things at play. The psychic’s brain downloads on a completely different channel and offers another source of information.
Intuition is a nice counterbalance to the super-tech, pointy-headed vibe of this 21st century life. It’s more organic. Your iPhone can do a lot of things, but picking up psychic info ain’t on the list.
Maybe that’s why I’ve seen such a huge increase in people coming for a reading whom you might not expect: a tough Irish cop, a psychoanalyst, a surgeon, for starters. They’re finding a new way around their problems, by tapping into this age-old data stream.
If you’re still kicking the idea around, here are my 3.5 reasons to consider a psychic.
Reason #1: WE SEE THE BIG PICTURE – THE REALLY BIIIIIG PICTURE
As a psychic, I’m focused on the particular issue you bring me, but I’m also “pulling back” to see what else is going on around its edges. It’s kind of like Google Earth. Many times, I pick up on things affecting it that you weren’t aware of: past-life influences, karma, what’s up with the other people involved. That kind of intel gives you a new perspective on why and where you’re stuck. (Even if you’re not sold on the idea of past lives or karma, admit it – it sounds interesting, doesn’t it?)
Reason #2 WE GIVE YOU A DETOUR AROUND THE ROADBLOCKS
When the same annoying situation/person keeps showing up in your life, there’s a reason. Yes, really. The Universe is trying to get your attention, or to provide a lesson. What is that lesson? An intuitive can give you the crib sheet and show you how to finally move forward.
Reason #3 A READING GETS YOU OUT OF YOUR HEAD
Check the frownlines on your face: we spend so much time grinding our mental gears, trying to work out a solution to a problem.
Sometimes, you need to take the brain out of it – and see what instinct and the heart has to say. That’s the specialty of a psychic. Add that info to the intellectual mix, your own knowledge of the situation and you’ve got something you can really work with in solving a problem.
Reason #3.5 YOUR DEAD GRANNY WANTS TO SAY “’SUP?”
Not all psychics are mediums – meaning, possessing the ability to connect with those on the Other Side. But for those who do have that particular channel on their radio, it can be a powerful experience for the client. My motto is, “It’s not a reading ‘til someone’s crying.”
Connecting with someone you’ve lost is incredibly therapeutic. I’ve had clients finally be able to drop all kinds of baggage after getting a message from someone who’s crossed over. It’s not only intensely liberating, it’s a big comfort, as well. The right psychic-medium can hook you up on that channel.
When it comes to finding an intuitive, I strongly believe in personal recommendations. You want a good fit – and a truly professional intuitive won’t mind if he/she isn’t the right one for you.
Let me just add that a responsible psychic will only ask for his/her standard fee (and not hit you up for “extras,” like “removing curses”); and if someone’s issues are above their paygrade, they’ll suggest a qualified mental health professional.
At any rate, if you’ve ever rolled your eyes at the thought of consulting a psychic, open your mind. This ancient art is more 21st century than you think.
I admit it – when it comes to nurseries, garden centers or roadside plant sales, I’m like a crackwhore. My happiest mornings are when, coffee in hand, I can walk up and down the rows at my favorite garden place, picking up a new plant or flat of annuals to brighten up my yard.
Gardening is what I call “dirt therapy.” And it serves an additional purpose, grounding me after spending time in the psychic realm. Many times after a reading, I will get down and dirty – literally – throwing on my work shoes for a quick round of weeding. Putting my hands in the earth balances out the buzzy energy in my head. If I can’t weed, I’ll step outside and just place my hands on the ground.
Working in the psychic realms involves raising your vibration; I always feel a little spacey afterwards. You need to balance that out, because too much time in that place, and you’ll end up like those ladies who talk to themselves in the produce aisle. Or THIS guy…
Even if you’re not psychic, we’re all under a heightened barrage of energy these days, the kind that keeps us in our heads. Texting, email, watching cat videos on YouTube – all the time we spend “connected” does a number on us. Exhibit A: look at any kid at the mall, zombie’d out on their phones. Need I say more?
Anyway, I think that’s one reason we see so much anxiety and depression. Yes, there may be other medical reasons, but when your brain is jumping all over the place, looking for the next bit of stimuli, well, that can’t be good. In fact, I read of a new phenomenon called “popcorn brain.” The name says it all.
Balancing out all that mental energy with something physical is good for you in so many ways – and will keep you psychically healthy. I tell my students that they should do something grounding after reading: play with your dog, go for a walk, eat something, share some hot monkey-love with your honey, or plant up a pot of geraniums. The point is to keep your channel from going all flookey.
Psychic energy has a component of electricity to it. One needs to ground that special brand of electricity or you’ll burn your mental house down. I’ve seen it, especially among people just opening their channel. So be responsible with your instrument. And meet me at the garden center for some dirt therapy.
Got questions about this? Hit my website for more info.